I used to be more bossy.

Call it eldest daughter syndrome. Call it soothing anxiety by pretending to know all the answers and have total control over the situation. Call it leadership skills (if I was a boy).

These days, I aim to be more of an expert listener, synthesizer, and reflector-backer. A master question-asker and onion-layer-peeler. A scaffolding-builder and interrogator of everything holding you back from what you want.

Friends and family often ask how I bite my tongue when a client is struggling to make a major career decision. Surely I have thoughts about what they should do!

Of course I do. I'm invested in their health and happiness, and I know a lot about what makes careers work. But I don't tell my clients what to do. I don't get bossy.

Because here's what I've learned:

Our favorite decisions are the ones we make.

When we take the reins of our careers and lives, several brilliant things happen:

We're motivated to make the outcome as good as possible. "B" came to me at a classic should-I-stay-or-should-I-go crossroads, on the precipice of burnout (again). She's dynamite at what she does, so a new offer came quickly—one that unlocked real professional ambitions, but also real fears about boundaries and sustainability. Using the decision-making framework we'd built together, she enthusiastically accepted. And made a plan to make it work, because she wanted it to work.

We’re better equipped to accept the trade-offs. "L" came to me after an impressive but exhausting 17-year leadership run at a country club. She wanted a role that didn't require her to live on-site and work nights and weekends so she could finally prioritize her family. When a prestigious NYC hotel came calling, the role still didn't get her there. So she turned it down. Saying no to a major player in her industry wasn't easy. But she knew exactly why—and that clarity has given her the fuel to aim for better.

We become "A Person Who Makes Great Choices." "M" felt like he'd never really chosen his career—it had just kind of happened to him. Then he was laid off despite years of stellar performance. He wanted his next move to be intentional, but felt stuck. The issue wasn't capability or connections. It was self-trust. So we started small: low-stakes decisions alongside the big career questions. Two years later, his energy was palpable through Zoom. He's at home in the career he designed.

So if you’re a fellow bossypants and someone you care about is at a crossroads and you want to (lovingly) shake them because the answer seems so clear, take a beat.

How can you help them decide for themselves?

And if they've been spinning on a big career decision for weeks, that's exactly what I'm here for. Not to hand them answers, but to guide them through the Career Spark Engine—my signature program designed to help them get crystal clear on where they're going, and then confidently get there.

Onward!
Grace